Thursday, November 14, 2013

that instinct..

yesterday was the day that i've told ya about my pointer rite?? guess what, my mum called me this afternoon and asked me about my pointer. hmm nothing i can say. i'm sorry mum..then ,after class.. my friend and i went to tesco for lunch. i can feel the pressure inside, of disappointing my mum's expectation. i felt guilty to my mum because before this i've told her that my mid semester exam almost 2 subjects i managed to get A- and the result was now not as i expected and i was like hell hate myself for no reason.. hmm i wish i can turned the time and go back to the time when i can throw that fucking hell memory of broke up with my bf and study hard and smart. its just, hmmm i don't know. i'm sorry mum, i will do better next time. To compared myself with my sister, she's an engineering student and i'm just a management student. she can managed to get 3 pointer and above. and me? fucking hell can't reached that. what's wrong with me? pressure pressure pressure... thank you Allah for giving me this strength.. sometimes i wish i can differ to increase my pointer but if i finish my study late, how the hell can i help my family? now i'm sacrificing my happy thoughts, my relax time to study and take a lots of subjects in a semester and now, i face this alone. hmmm, its ok tira, its okay. after all when you are working, they don't really see that pointer stuff, all they want is that how do you coop with work stress and how do you manage them. perhaps this disappointment stuff will help me in the future. meaning to say its not easy to be me. the eldest.. sigh.. then in the public itself i cried, dumb.. i ran into the tesco toilet nearby the food court and lock myself inside the washroom and cry cry cry and blaming myself...but now i think i feel better, because i let it all out.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

empty

well it have been a disappointed day along.. i did not get good grades for the last semester exam.. and guess what? my CGPA drop like hell.. hahaha..i was expecting to get good grades for certain subjects and i was like shit.. hahaha.. even that decrease was not that much.. 0.01 only mehh. hahaha.. i just can't accept that.. and i did not tell my mum for that.. hmmmm what a life.. i was hoping that 2 subjects to get good grades but it turned to be the other way. WELL i guess i need to struggle to increase that.. sigh.. this semester also is about to be like hell.. hmmm.. i hate to stay here long.. i need to finish this quickly. pointer is just a null shit fucking hell crap....

Sunday, November 10, 2013

lepas cuti 1 bulan

Phewwwwww~ banyak betul benda aku dah kemas.. nak tak nak ade jugak barang yang aku sayang aku buang..tapi kalau simpan pun aku nak pakai pun segan baik buang dari aku simpan je sampai berhabuk.. hahaha.. lama jugak beg tuh bertahan.. tak silap aku, sebelum raya tahun lepas kot.. tahun 2012.. haaa.. lama jugak lah. Kasut aku tak payah cakap la.. aku rasa dalam rumah ni memang kasut aku yang paling banyak.. suke sangat beli beli beli last2 aku tak pakai pun. simpan je bawah katil tuh sampai berhabuk. yang dekat rak kasut je dah ade 12 pasang.. tak termasuk lagi dengan yang dalam plastik.. yang aku tak pakai.. yang aku tak suka lagi.. hahaha.. kalo nak buang rasa macam rugi pulak..hehe.. so kumpul je dalam plastik lepas tuh sumbat jelah bawah meja study aku. Kalo nak letak bawah katil siyez dah tak muat. Dengan beg baju lah.. laptop yang dah rosak.. sume aku sumbat bawah katil.. hahaha.. ni kalau aku nak bawak balik barang parah oiii... aku rasa 1 kete je barang aku sorang.. hahaha.. so kena start dari sekarang aku kena kemas kemas and bawak balik sikit sikit.. so ni dah settle kemas barang aku rasa macam lega sikit.. aku pening la tengok benda bersepah sepah sakit kepala.

Actually cuti 1 bulan ni aku tak pergi mana mana pun. Duduk je kat rumah. Benda yang dah diplan pun tak jadi. Nak buat macam mana. Macam aku nak bawak kete.. sume ade je halangan. Tak pelah mungkin ade hikmah kan. So sekarang aku tumpukan kat last sem ni. Kena fikir tempat praktikal lagi. Aku dah decide nak praktikal kat melaka. Sebab kalau aku stay shah alam memang aku makan megi la 1 bulan kan.. Nak enjoy pun bukan ada siape2. Confirm sume balik hometown masing- masing. Lagi pun kalau duduk rumah aku rilek sikit.. Tak banyak bende nak fikir. Aku ade agenda tersendiri.

Sebenarnye aku sampai sekarang tak percaya, dah nak habis dah belajar ek? hehe.. suke pulak rase nye. Aku ingat lagi mula-mula aku nak belajar kat sini. Aku tak de kawan, sume orang aku tak kenal, homesick tahap melampau hampir tiap-tiap minggu aku nak balik rumah dan macam-macam hal lah. Ni dah dekat 2 tahun lebih dah aku study kat msu. Cepat nye masa. Aku belajar ni pun sebab amanah. Amanah arwah abah nak tengok anak dia dapat ijazah. Suke suke suke.. hehe..kalau dulu mass aku diploma, ex aku menyemak.. kali ni sape la pulak yang menyemak kan? hehe.. entah.. aku pun tak tau lah sape.. tak de sape-sape pun aku rasa. family aku jelah.. sem ni jugak aku kena jimat jimat sikit sebab katanya last sem kena pakai banyak duit. yang international trip tu kan wajib. Tak tau la pegi mana kali ni. Hope tempat yang best sikit.

Cerita pasal result exam, buat aku cuak. Hampir setiap masa aku asik la log in dalam web site eklas tuh..hahaha tapi ape nye? tak de pape pun yang terjadi. Tapi pelik masa aku register subjek, sir Azizul cakap result aku jatuh. Rasa macam down je. Aku tak tau nak happy ke sedih. Tapi bile aku cerita dengan frenda dia boleh pulak tak percaya. Dia cakap sir main-main je. Tak tau lah kan. Tapi bile aku teringat balik, sir macam nak tergelak masa cakap dengan aku. Entah lah, geram pulak aku rasa selagi tak dapat result exam nih. Tapi patut nye aku pergi tengok lappy sir hari tuh. Baru aku puas hati. hahaha..Hmmm esok dah start lah kelas untuk last semester. Seram pun ade gak, hahaha.. rasa dia macam aku 1st time nak masuk kelas masa awal-awal sem. Siyez tak tipu. Pelik jugak perasaan ni. Hope semester akhir ni aku happy-happy lah gamak nye :)